A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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