I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wish i was in the wii world.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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