If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
