I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
