In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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