I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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