Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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