I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
