i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
