it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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