I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
