Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
