dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
