you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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