The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
