If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
