He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
