I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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