omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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