I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
