she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
