Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize