Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
