be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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