Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
