You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
