Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
