You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
