the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
