News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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