Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
