Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
