my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
