I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
