he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize