the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
