Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize