Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
