Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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