I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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