he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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