i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
