lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
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