Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
