I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
