so let's talk penis.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
