you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
