ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
