She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
