What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
