I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
