I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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