U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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