I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize