i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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