he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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