omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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