I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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