I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
