"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
