With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
