he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Operation Purity has been aborted
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize