One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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