$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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