Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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