Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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