I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
