I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
