You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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