you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
