There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
