Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
