Your dad touched me again.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
